I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
