so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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