You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
