VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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