I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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