The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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