What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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