Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
