ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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