the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
