My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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