i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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