how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
