I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
