you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
