You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
