addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
