i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ttyl tear gas
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
