if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
