Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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