i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
