This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
