Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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