your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nut hugger
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
