Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
