There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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