I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
