Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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