What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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