so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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