You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did i walk over a car last night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
