so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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