She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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