You can't special order awesome
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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