This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
