Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
