Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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