Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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