Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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