The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
