Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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