she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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