just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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