Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize