Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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