she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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