From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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