apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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