she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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