I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
