a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
