sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
