Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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