That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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