Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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