Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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