and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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