barbara walters just said penis...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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