His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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