true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
