if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
