Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
