The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
