Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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