U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
