can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
