I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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