I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lol hangovers are for mortals.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
