I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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